You have saggy boobs, droopy butt, crows feet that have become more like craters and laugh lines that extend to your forehead.
You diligently seek that ONE coloured hair left on your head and are so delighted and smug you share on Facebook for all your friends to see!
You hurt in places that are illegal and if you sit in a chair that is too low, you need to turn fully around, coming out butt first. Or else need the help of four friends and possibly, a crane...
Your morning pills fill you up for breakfast and fibre has become your new BFF.
You hear perfectly if the person is speaking directly in front of you and no more than 3 feet away. And preferably has a very deep voice and/or knows sign language.
You own at least three pairs of glasses. One for reading, one for driving, one tinted for daylight.
Your shoes are on trend in a nursing home. Likewise your outfit.
Your social life is catching up with your doctor and his receptionist.
You know the Lab Tech gal's first name, birthday, wedding date as well has the ages of her hubby and kiddies.
Your vacation plans must include baggage weight for medications, neck pillow, heating pad and a collapsible cane. Travel health insurance would've bought the car of your dreams when you were twenty.
The most excitement you get is watching true crime mysteries on cable. You find yourself visualizing the dance show competitors having bad backs in 30 years and feel their pain. Speaking of pain...well...
everything hurts, even brushing your teeth.
You have light bladder leakage which you discreetly refer to has LBL while, your grandchildren tell everyone, "Grandma pees her pants"! In Walmart, the mall and church!
But seriously, isn't there anything good about getting older? You betcha!
First and foremost must be those darlin' aforementioned grandchildren. They are the honey with the medicine, the kiss for the broken heart and the smile amidst tears.
Being older gives you license to reenact your childhood playing dolls, building Lego, dressing ridiculous or laughing until well...you pee your pants...
Then there is the freedom to excuse yourself early or even forgo attending certain events without guilt. Most everyone totally understands (because you're old afterall) and those who don't sympathize, well... you feel free to not care.
Not caring is a huge advantage when you're older. Oh, you still care about what counts; family, friends and God but, acquiring the most and the best, impressing the elite or achieving greatness just doesn't hold the same allure.
It's enough to be a good person and help others where you're able.
You feel justified to dress absurd like mismatched socks (poor eyesight), wearing yesterday's jammie's all day (even if you do go to the corner store), going bra less (it hurts your shoulders), donning silly hats (the grandkids love it) or dressing in your fave 1980's outfit (assuming it still fits).
After all, you're old and completely out of touch anyway! Which by the way, is a great excuse to get the younger generation to do things for you such as fix your computer, adjust Netflix...
You just don't get it!!
Then there's those times when you deliberately forget. You're suppose to forget things with age, right? It's expected...
Oh yes, it's a great hoot to screw up when you're texting except well..when it isn't (like to your banker, lawyer, pastor).
But all kidding aside, getting older helps you feel more at ease with yourself. You've become increasingly okay with your limitations and the truth that certain dreams are never going to happen and...
Never has the brevity of life and the passage of time ever been more vivid. You feel things more deeply, take the time to slow down realizing life should to be savored and are in awe of the sacred. It's much easier to live moment by moment because you recognize the moments really are so few and tomorrow might not come.
You are more selective who you spend your time around because there's little time to waste it schmoozing. You select your people more carefully looking for traits like positiveness, empathy, genuineness and loving kindness.
This is the true stuff of life.
There is a downside to our declining years. It is not meant for the faint of heart but, it does nurture me about grace, forgiveness, authentic relationships and becoming more vulnerable.
It's so welcome to leave behind those frantic, rushing and stressful years and just don my jammies, put on a silly hat and play lego with my grandkids!