Saturday, February 16, 2013
I am a closet hoarder...
I don't mean I have 5 feet of trash stacked everywhere in my home with winding tunnels throughout. We, who have watched the television show, have witnessed this horrendous display. No, I am a closet hoarder...literally!
Closet #1: The Bedroom Closet
Several years ago, Hubby was sweet enough to expand our master bedroom and add a walk-in closet. Nice...right? Well, not really...it has just allowed me to store even more "stuff".
Nothing says hoarding like clothes that date back several decades. There! I admit it! I have 80's, 90's and 2010 clothes all chronologically (this was neither by intent or design) hanging in my wardrobe. Why, oh why??
It's not that any of these decades were my glory years which woulda been the 70's when I was young, single and childless. I can't even say for sure, for sure, there isn't some hidden 70's fashion atrocity groovin' around in the back of the closet...and
it's not like I'd dare to wear any of this outdated garb, except to a retro party. I can't even explain why I keep all this obsolete outerwear except my pathological need to hang onto the past.
May the decades of big hair, stirrup pants, dazzling mismatched colors and boxy shoulders never see the light of day again!! Plu...eeze!
Closet # 2: The Coat Closet
Once again the fashion police have not busted this closet and my hoarding tendencies have been left to reign terror! There are coats, scarves and single mittens (even one rabbit fur mitten - OMGoodness!) cluttering up this space. Again, I can only think it must be my love/hate relationship with the past that prevents me from relinquishing these (uhmmm?) treasures.
Closet # 3: The Kitchen Closet
This closet may seem to make sense on the surface, but if you dig dee... deep...deeper...not so much...
Yes, indeedy...I save all kinds of bread bags, grocery bags, cleaning rags and questionable items of this and that.
I know lots of people save a few of these items for practical purposes such as recycling, save the planet and all that jazz. This is good and makes sense. However...
I swear I have bags, rags and other odds and ends (yes, even a bingo dabber) that date back 20 years. I am NOT kidding!
I keep the grocery bags inside a big red plastic bag that I haven't seen the bottom of in recent memory. It's been soooo long, I'm afraid to look. Who knows what I might find? Perhaps a tiny mouse skeleton? A one dollar bill? My Great, Great Grandmother's wooden dentures???
Who knows? And I ain't about to check it either! So, you see, I have crossed the line somewhere in the 80's from being a kumbaya environmentalist to a freaky closet hoarder...
Should I seek therapy? Is this sickness gonna grow worse as I age? Will I start hoarding things like empty Bic lighters? Honestly, I can already see this disease spreading into my junk drawer where I've saved (hoarded) countless empty pill bottles!! Eeeek! Maybe it's already too late for me?!!
Save yourselves before it's too late; get busy clearing out those closets!!
Toodle Loo Kangaroo!